crazy dreams..
but i like the theme of what it would mean? i try not to put a meaning to dreams but sometimes it's so interesting especially something that i thought had no meaning to it like my dream that i had during my nap. i guess i like where my life is going right now and i live for the change. i like constant but change is fine too. right direction and i'm finally happy. that's all that counts right? i'm so excited for the future even if it holds the unknown. the inevitable isn't so bad. rearranging everything and it's not like it was before. ya digg?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
hard to concentrate
Hustle, bustle, and, so much muscle aww
Cells about to separate
Now I find it hard to concentrate
And, temporary this
Cash and carry em
Stepping up to indicate
The time has come to deviate
And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this moment to make you my family
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found
Death defying this
Mess Im buying its
Raining down with love and hate
Now, I find it hard to motivate
And, estuary is, blessed but scary
Hearts about to palpitate
Now, Im not about to hesitate
And, want to treasure the rest of your days here
And, give you pleasure in so many ways dear
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found�
Here we go
Do you want me to show up for duty
And, serve this woman, and honor her beauty
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found� Yourself
With me...will you...agree..to take
This man...into your world
And now... we are as one...
My lone ranger
The, heat-exchanger
Is, living in this figure eight
Now I do my best to recreate
And, sweet precision
And, soft collision aww
Hearts about to palpitate
Now I find it hard to separate
And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have found
All I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have found
Yourself
Cells about to separate
Now I find it hard to concentrate
And, temporary this
Cash and carry em
Stepping up to indicate
The time has come to deviate
And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this moment to make you my family
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found
Death defying this
Mess Im buying its
Raining down with love and hate
Now, I find it hard to motivate
And, estuary is, blessed but scary
Hearts about to palpitate
Now, Im not about to hesitate
And, want to treasure the rest of your days here
And, give you pleasure in so many ways dear
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found�
Here we go
Do you want me to show up for duty
And, serve this woman, and honor her beauty
And, finally you have found something perfect
And, finally you have found� Yourself
With me...will you...agree..to take
This man...into your world
And now... we are as one...
My lone ranger
The, heat-exchanger
Is, living in this figure eight
Now I do my best to recreate
And, sweet precision
And, soft collision aww
Hearts about to palpitate
Now I find it hard to separate
And, all I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have found
All I want is for you to be happy
And, take this woman and make you my family
And, finally you have found someone perfect
And, finally you have found
Yourself
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
invisible woman
i feel invisible.. maybe i am? in that case i'll just stay invisible.
my philosophy teacher didn't assign a paper today. whew! but i have a feeling he's gonna assign one on thursday for us to do over break. womp womp womp! i thought i was gonna be able to go through a spring break without having to deal with homework but i guess not.
so tuesday is pretty much over with, so am i allowed to say that it's wednesday already? if so then atleast tomorrow is thursday! i must gather my things together for my trip with my best friend. i hope eleanor is okay. i wouldn't want her to trip out. KNOCK ON WOOD. i just want chris and i to be safe, that's all. adventures are coming up soon. we'll have activities to do!!! yaaaaay.
i miss the love of my life. i can't wait till our lips meet again. mmmm it'll be perfect.
------------------------edit
today in philosophy we're talking about sense data and how we learn things. i wish i was listening. the chapter that we're going through right now is about knowledge and how we learn things. this class just made me realize how frightening the mind really is. we look at things through a deeper perspective in this class and it really is mind boggling. some of the concepts and theories really make me think and not just about what we're learning in class but i also try to apply it to myself and think of examples from my own life experiences to what we learn in class. how do you unknow something? you can't. isn't that trippy? i wish that i was paying attention in class.. but at this moment in class it's beginning to get a little hazy. it's not sinking in but i make note of important things. that's all that matters right? haha NO! so descartes couldn't get passed his idea of metaphysics so he couldn't really explain how knowledge is learned or how we learn things. he kept referring back to innate knowledge, God, and substance blah blah blah but john locke believed that we learn things through our senses. he also disagreed with descartes' ideas of innate knowledge but Leibniz found flaws in locke's theories. leibniz brought up a good idea about if we don't have innate knowledge then what about the people that are natural athletes or those who have the ability to sing and hold a note. they must have some innate knowledge but locke disagrees. that made me think... those who are masters at things like mathematics, music, sports etc. etc. where does it come from? i guess i have to read on and wait for the next class to figure it out. hope i don't sleep!
my philosophy teacher didn't assign a paper today. whew! but i have a feeling he's gonna assign one on thursday for us to do over break. womp womp womp! i thought i was gonna be able to go through a spring break without having to deal with homework but i guess not.
so tuesday is pretty much over with, so am i allowed to say that it's wednesday already? if so then atleast tomorrow is thursday! i must gather my things together for my trip with my best friend. i hope eleanor is okay. i wouldn't want her to trip out. KNOCK ON WOOD. i just want chris and i to be safe, that's all. adventures are coming up soon. we'll have activities to do!!! yaaaaay.
i miss the love of my life. i can't wait till our lips meet again. mmmm it'll be perfect.
------------------------edit
today in philosophy we're talking about sense data and how we learn things. i wish i was listening. the chapter that we're going through right now is about knowledge and how we learn things. this class just made me realize how frightening the mind really is. we look at things through a deeper perspective in this class and it really is mind boggling. some of the concepts and theories really make me think and not just about what we're learning in class but i also try to apply it to myself and think of examples from my own life experiences to what we learn in class. how do you unknow something? you can't. isn't that trippy? i wish that i was paying attention in class.. but at this moment in class it's beginning to get a little hazy. it's not sinking in but i make note of important things. that's all that matters right? haha NO! so descartes couldn't get passed his idea of metaphysics so he couldn't really explain how knowledge is learned or how we learn things. he kept referring back to innate knowledge, God, and substance blah blah blah but john locke believed that we learn things through our senses. he also disagreed with descartes' ideas of innate knowledge but Leibniz found flaws in locke's theories. leibniz brought up a good idea about if we don't have innate knowledge then what about the people that are natural athletes or those who have the ability to sing and hold a note. they must have some innate knowledge but locke disagrees. that made me think... those who are masters at things like mathematics, music, sports etc. etc. where does it come from? i guess i have to read on and wait for the next class to figure it out. hope i don't sleep!
advocate for good music
i am
it is one of those days where i felt like i've hiphopped myself out and now i'm craving for something different so i'm turning to cake and radiohead to save my day. sounds good doesn't it? spring seems like an alternative season type of thing. atleast that's what it seems to me?
so today is tuesday and i'm done with one class.. one more to go. i hope my philosophy teacher doesn't assign a paper today because that would mess up my mood!! oh yeah and i forgot i have to do my homework for bio!!! and study study study for friday's test. woopee =[
it is one of those days where i felt like i've hiphopped myself out and now i'm craving for something different so i'm turning to cake and radiohead to save my day. sounds good doesn't it? spring seems like an alternative season type of thing. atleast that's what it seems to me?
so today is tuesday and i'm done with one class.. one more to go. i hope my philosophy teacher doesn't assign a paper today because that would mess up my mood!! oh yeah and i forgot i have to do my homework for bio!!! and study study study for friday's test. woopee =[
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
gettin up
come on we gettin up..
thank God it's friday!
hope today goes smoothly cuz i'm already tired but atleast it's FRIDAY! woot woot n then next week!!! last week of school before spring break.. my one week vacation spent with the love of my life and chrissy poo. time to not give a fuck! =]
thank God it's friday!
hope today goes smoothly cuz i'm already tired but atleast it's FRIDAY! woot woot n then next week!!! last week of school before spring break.. my one week vacation spent with the love of my life and chrissy poo. time to not give a fuck! =]
Thursday, March 18, 2010
soon enough
i could move away.. but i'd miss SD for the simple fact that my family and friends are here but then again... BLAH BLAH BLAH
but she's moving here.. and soon enough i will be saved.
but she's moving here.. and soon enough i will be saved.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
last breath
you're a breath of fresh air to me..
i gotz new aviators.. as opposed to old ones that i had? haha well i had old ones that used to belong to my pops. they're rayban aviators, i believe? i used to wear them when i was 16. how cuuuuuute. anyways these new ones are from banana republic n they're pretty spiffy if you ask me.
there's a test tomorrow for maff. decimals? shouldn't be too bad right? seems easy... cept for the 4 digit numbers! ok ok i'm just being lazy. real life problems that you solve with 4 digit numbers. wtf? hmm if you say so!
it's almost the end of this week. it's too exciting. i'm already considering this a thursday since wednesday night is done and over with. yeeeeee! i can't wait till i climax.. wait what? did i say that? HMMMMMM...
i gotz new aviators.. as opposed to old ones that i had? haha well i had old ones that used to belong to my pops. they're rayban aviators, i believe? i used to wear them when i was 16. how cuuuuuute. anyways these new ones are from banana republic n they're pretty spiffy if you ask me.
there's a test tomorrow for maff. decimals? shouldn't be too bad right? seems easy... cept for the 4 digit numbers! ok ok i'm just being lazy. real life problems that you solve with 4 digit numbers. wtf? hmm if you say so!
it's almost the end of this week. it's too exciting. i'm already considering this a thursday since wednesday night is done and over with. yeeeeee! i can't wait till i climax.. wait what? did i say that? HMMMMMM...
st. patrick's day
Good Morning...
i got my green "America's Finest City" T-shirt on.
ugh.. this morning was a lil bit easier to wake up to.
maybe this means i'm getting used to it? bleh.
hope i stay awake in class.. if not that means
nap time in class.
i got my green "America's Finest City" T-shirt on.
ugh.. this morning was a lil bit easier to wake up to.
maybe this means i'm getting used to it? bleh.
hope i stay awake in class.. if not that means
nap time in class.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
prenup
i should've known better....
got my hopes all high cuz in my mind there's a form perhaps an ideal.. but shit never goes as planned (in my head) i should know by now right? that's my fault
got my hopes all high cuz in my mind there's a form perhaps an ideal.. but shit never goes as planned (in my head) i should know by now right? that's my fault
sunshine
it's freakin hot!!! n then the cold is gonna come back outta the left field....i hope. haha i'm so huuuungry. i'm just rambling cuz i have nothing else to say but i'm trying to get into the habit of blogging and reflect.. but it hasn't been the whole day yet. i'll edit later.
edit 30 min later...
i can't wait to get away. i need a fuckin vacation away from this house. i can't wait till i move out either. then i won't have to deal with family members being annoyed by me. or having to deal with not being equal to anyone. when i get out of here it'll just be me and the love of my life n then everyone else won't matter to me just like what they did to me. i wish my parents didnt wait so long to have me... now they have to wait long for me to get my shit together. ughhhhh vent vent vent and hope all this anger goes away. vent vent vent and hope this negativity leaves. i'm just tired of living here with people that don't really care. then they wonder why i act the way i do. cuz i don't tolerate shit like this.. you think feeling this way for so long would cause me to be used to it. not really. i actually just wanna fight it rather than take it. what else can you do though? suck it up, i guess. swallow my pride.
on the brightside.... i'll be gone soon.. next week is my departure from this house. no responsibility for a week! ughh yes! can't wait. soon enough ill get to hug her as much as i want!
edit 30 min later...
i can't wait to get away. i need a fuckin vacation away from this house. i can't wait till i move out either. then i won't have to deal with family members being annoyed by me. or having to deal with not being equal to anyone. when i get out of here it'll just be me and the love of my life n then everyone else won't matter to me just like what they did to me. i wish my parents didnt wait so long to have me... now they have to wait long for me to get my shit together. ughhhhh vent vent vent and hope all this anger goes away. vent vent vent and hope this negativity leaves. i'm just tired of living here with people that don't really care. then they wonder why i act the way i do. cuz i don't tolerate shit like this.. you think feeling this way for so long would cause me to be used to it. not really. i actually just wanna fight it rather than take it. what else can you do though? suck it up, i guess. swallow my pride.
on the brightside.... i'll be gone soon.. next week is my departure from this house. no responsibility for a week! ughh yes! can't wait. soon enough ill get to hug her as much as i want!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
erykahbadu-mylife
sure ain't been too easy...
but we all gotta learn from the negatives. it's the only way to live. do not dwell. progress from the negative. make that positive choice. i've still got a long road to make but i do applaud those who are almost there. i look up to the positive influences in my life. gotta fulfill the dream, ya dig?
i'm trying to look at each day as a new adventure. each morning i'm gonna try and think positive. i should post post-its just as a reminder. life is only as good as you make it right? try not to let others bring me down and put that negative energy into something else.. just don't know what it is yet. i'll let you know when i figure it out.
keep hustlin'
but we all gotta learn from the negatives. it's the only way to live. do not dwell. progress from the negative. make that positive choice. i've still got a long road to make but i do applaud those who are almost there. i look up to the positive influences in my life. gotta fulfill the dream, ya dig?
i'm trying to look at each day as a new adventure. each morning i'm gonna try and think positive. i should post post-its just as a reminder. life is only as good as you make it right? try not to let others bring me down and put that negative energy into something else.. just don't know what it is yet. i'll let you know when i figure it out.
keep hustlin'
sundizzle
i need to gym this week and next week before i go on my trip with chrissy poo. yaaaay! it's almost time for me to see the love of my life. i can't wait especially since it is me n chris' first real road trip together. a vacation with my two favorite people. 8 hours away from home and all the worries until april 3rd. bleeeeh. i start my training for mac grill on the 3rd at approximately 10 o'clock. i'm actually looking forward to it. cash money, nah mean? finally, some kind of income.. but this time gotta spend it wisely. save save save and spend. not too much spending.. just spend. haha finally i can enjoy life outside of my house.... chyeah right. i'm probably gonna be hella busy with balancing school and work... and making time for my love of my life. i'll make it work damnit! oh yeah king's fishhouse called me today. another boost to my self esteem.. too bad i already accepted the job at mac grill. sall good though i bet they get more business than king's fishhouse does. suckaaaaaz!
Friday, March 12, 2010
romano's macaroni grill
i got the job at mac grill!!!
now it's time to show my..... expediting skills?
HAHAHA whatever that means? yes! what a confidence boost
-----------------------------------------edit
we're in love
we've been in love
we stayed in love
still in love
she's mine mine mine
now it's time to show my..... expediting skills?
HAHAHA whatever that means? yes! what a confidence boost
-----------------------------------------edit
we're in love
we've been in love
we stayed in love
still in love
she's mine mine mine
Thursday, March 11, 2010
terrible
i feel.. terrible.
my mistake, i shouldn't have read your blog.
and now i feel like crap before an important interview. now what do i do?? how do i bring myself back up? for some reason.. i knew this was gonna happen. it was something that i was hoping wouldn't happen. after all that we've been through we just focus on the problem. i know i'm not a terrible person. i just have a few flaws that i need to stay focused on to work on. i'm not used being perfect. i'm not used to what you expect me to be. i mean i'm me.. i don't stop for nobody but here i am trying to stop and take a look at myself for once to figure out why i am the way i am.
i guess that's where we're different.
you don't want to settle and i don't want you to have to settle and lower your standards for me. i don't wanna feel like shit because i am the way i am. i only want you to be happy. so would it make you happier if i wasn't with you? you already know what your happiness relies on and it's not me.. i'm trying for you but that doesn't seem to be good enough anymore.
i'm capable of good and i'm working on it. what else can i possibly do?
i love you for you... seems like i can't get the same but you deserve the best.. so it only leaves us with... what?
my mistake, i shouldn't have read your blog.
and now i feel like crap before an important interview. now what do i do?? how do i bring myself back up? for some reason.. i knew this was gonna happen. it was something that i was hoping wouldn't happen. after all that we've been through we just focus on the problem. i know i'm not a terrible person. i just have a few flaws that i need to stay focused on to work on. i'm not used being perfect. i'm not used to what you expect me to be. i mean i'm me.. i don't stop for nobody but here i am trying to stop and take a look at myself for once to figure out why i am the way i am.
i guess that's where we're different.
you don't want to settle and i don't want you to have to settle and lower your standards for me. i don't wanna feel like shit because i am the way i am. i only want you to be happy. so would it make you happier if i wasn't with you? you already know what your happiness relies on and it's not me.. i'm trying for you but that doesn't seem to be good enough anymore.
i'm capable of good and i'm working on it. what else can i possibly do?
i love you for you... seems like i can't get the same but you deserve the best.. so it only leaves us with... what?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
dilla-circus
it's nice to have a little bit of dilla in your life once in awhile. this is a dope ass instrumental and i've been listening to it this whole day!
hump day
is study day...
review day foooooor
my math test tomorrow at 8
chickfila interview at 10
philosophy test at 12:30
THEN...
mac grill at 2
thursday seems like a busy day.
review day foooooor
my math test tomorrow at 8
chickfila interview at 10
philosophy test at 12:30
THEN...
mac grill at 2
thursday seems like a busy day.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
toos-day
i finished my paper on descartes vs. spinoza, whew! what a relief for the day.. but i have an upcoming test for philosophy which i SHOULD study for. gotta go over the review sheets/study guide.
------------------------------------------edit
it's nice when my sisters are both here at home especially when their munchkins wake me up from my nappy nap! i wanted to tape kam's mouth shut and cuff eli down. ahaha could you imagine if my sisters came home to them like that? hahaha i finished my maff homework and extra credit. now i needs ta make my philosophy review for the shit that he didn't give a review sheet on. oh well.. shouldn't be that bad right? we went over it today in class and it seemed pretty condensed up just not on a sheet of paper. i should've written it all down but then i figured that i have notes i'll just do it when i get home. bleh. now i'm home and I SHOULD DO IT but i'm still kinda lazy. i'll get a drink first n then begin!
------------------------------------------edit
it's nice when my sisters are both here at home especially when their munchkins wake me up from my nappy nap! i wanted to tape kam's mouth shut and cuff eli down. ahaha could you imagine if my sisters came home to them like that? hahaha i finished my maff homework and extra credit. now i needs ta make my philosophy review for the shit that he didn't give a review sheet on. oh well.. shouldn't be that bad right? we went over it today in class and it seemed pretty condensed up just not on a sheet of paper. i should've written it all down but then i figured that i have notes i'll just do it when i get home. bleh. now i'm home and I SHOULD DO IT but i'm still kinda lazy. i'll get a drink first n then begin!
Monday, March 8, 2010
due dates
this week...
math hw due tuesday
philosophy paper due tuesday
math test thursday
philosophy test thursday
lab quiz friday
math hw due tuesday
philosophy paper due tuesday
math test thursday
philosophy test thursday
lab quiz friday
Sunday, March 7, 2010
capture the flag
i think...
i should blog more
so i have something to refer to..
reflect on my days.
remember whats important.
express. stay inspired.
work towards my goals.
be that better person that i know i'm capable of.
you know..
refer to so i can change tomorrow.
i should blog more
so i have something to refer to..
reflect on my days.
remember whats important.
express. stay inspired.
work towards my goals.
be that better person that i know i'm capable of.
you know..
refer to so i can change tomorrow.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
nothing's right..
i'm torn.
i love her
but..
edit
did a lot of thinking today n yet i still don't know what to do?
i keep fighting with myself in my head.
it was just something tiny. it could have been different.
you could have just dropped it. you could have just let it go.
i always do this..
i'm selfish but...
what means more?
i keep pushing and pushing..
it won't be long till i've pushed her away.
i love her
but..
edit
did a lot of thinking today n yet i still don't know what to do?
i keep fighting with myself in my head.
it was just something tiny. it could have been different.
you could have just dropped it. you could have just let it go.
i always do this..
i'm selfish but...
what means more?
i keep pushing and pushing..
it won't be long till i've pushed her away.
detach
for the past few days my horoscope has been nothing but good. for today it says that there's something in the air and everyone's happy and supposedly "especially me" i think it's bullshit. why did i even try to believe that everything would be okay in the morning? i've hurt her with my stupid bullshit selfishness. i don't even think about her and what she needs out of our relationship but only what i need from it. my happiness is my only concern. that's my problem.
i wanna say that i was never this selfish because i never put myself first in my past relationships. someone else always put themselves first. i was fucked and not in a good way. i knew about the lies, i knew about the secrets, i knew everything and yet i let it slide because i felt like i was the one that could make it worth it. i learned so much from that bad experience. you grow from the pain. pain causes suffering which leads to you healing and becoming a better person from it. that's what i was trying to do atleast. i was trying to be a better person. perceive the world in a way that no one is open to because of their own selfishness and desires. and now... look at me. i don't even stand by what i believe in.
now.. i'm in a relationship. i never knew what it was to feel so selfish until she showed me that i'm not standing by my own words. maybe i don't belong in a relationship. there's no progress and i'm not learning from it. maybe i need to detach myself. not let emotions run me. let go of my desires. without desire there will not be any suffering.
maybe she'll be happier without me?
what do i do? i don't know what to do anymore.. it's an endless cycle that i put her through until i realize that i can break it.
i wanna say that i was never this selfish because i never put myself first in my past relationships. someone else always put themselves first. i was fucked and not in a good way. i knew about the lies, i knew about the secrets, i knew everything and yet i let it slide because i felt like i was the one that could make it worth it. i learned so much from that bad experience. you grow from the pain. pain causes suffering which leads to you healing and becoming a better person from it. that's what i was trying to do atleast. i was trying to be a better person. perceive the world in a way that no one is open to because of their own selfishness and desires. and now... look at me. i don't even stand by what i believe in.
now.. i'm in a relationship. i never knew what it was to feel so selfish until she showed me that i'm not standing by my own words. maybe i don't belong in a relationship. there's no progress and i'm not learning from it. maybe i need to detach myself. not let emotions run me. let go of my desires. without desire there will not be any suffering.
maybe she'll be happier without me?
what do i do? i don't know what to do anymore.. it's an endless cycle that i put her through until i realize that i can break it.
Monday, March 1, 2010
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