in the pain, there is healing

slowly but surely.. i must take everything that i've learned the past few years and finally put the puzzle back together. i was able to put some pieces back together during the last few months of 2011 just to break those pieces back into smaller pieces so as of now, i am still broken but there are other pieces of me that i have been working on to be able to put those smaller pieces back into the bigger pieces that should create a different me. it's through the work that i am putting the effort into where i will find strength and courage to keep on moving. i think i am back at where i was when i was finally letting go of what is beyond my control. when it comes to the matters of the heart, i know that THAT in particular is beyond my control so it is best that i just let that go so there's no worry there especially since it is NOT a priority as of now. i can focus more on the harsh reality of what's to come, although, i really should not be worried about that because i must put my faith in the Lord. He is the only one in control and knows what is to come for me so i should just continue to believe that he has a reason for everything. i must continue with one day at a time especially when i find myself worrying about other things. i have to remind myself when i find myself dwelling. i ask myself, "is that happening right now? should you put yourself through the nervousness? do not feel anxious because today is today, not yet tomorrow so be grateful and enjoy. in prayer i will find peace." keep my faith in Jesus Christ that he is the only one who can raise me from it. i am only human.

penny lane

is in my ears and in my heart... forever.

i miss you, penny lane.

YOU FUCK

not sure what else i was supposed to title this lol...

instead of fuck you.. i decided to just title it YOU FUCK!

anyways...

it's about to be that time of the month again. sadly the emotions come rolling in around this time and my heart starts to psych my mind out about what i supposedly "need" right now but i need to stick to the game plan and ride it out as much as i want to do this and do that because as much as i plan it out in my head... it RARELY ever plays out that way so i gotta do it smart and just stay on the path..

stay on the path sa..

ughhhhhhhhh........ why is this so difficult for me? is it because that person really did play a big part in my life and made a real impact on my life? i mean definitely yeah and i wouldn't doubt it for a minute but for things to change i need to stick to the game plan and just stay on the path. be a better person, you fuck! lol i dont know what it is about cuss words why i love it so much but i get a crack out of it haha.. now i'm digressing.

anyways.. reminder sa, stay on the path. you need time to grow and this is your time to do it so no distractions. not even a little. you def. know what you want and need so keep working towards it. don't look at how far you have left.. look at how far you've come and each step you take is leading to a better future. doesn't that sound nice? FUCK YEAH! stay motivated. ;]