10:31

disregard everything

i have to make a decision..
i need to make one as soon as possible.

i gotta figure it out.
the clock is ticking and there's no time to fuck up.



sign at the bottom & you get to leave.

the beatles - let it be

i wanna say that i'm not judgemental but that would be a lie.
i try not to be judgemental in my opinions but it comes out that way.

maybe i should keep my judgemental opinions to myself so i don't come off as an asshole but i try to give advice according to what i've already experienced. the future is there to prove me wrong and if it does then that's good because then i'll feel like i've learned something.

maybe i shouldn't care as much.. but then i thought that i improved on this??

i'll just stay clear and not share too much of me.
i can do without the drama for once.
i kinda feel like friends aren't really friends anymore.
we depend on others for happiness or lack happiness and it's not the same.
i guess this is part of growing up? or growing out of....

parents

your parents reflect through you..
seems a tad bit true.
i wanna be openminded unlike them.
i wanna be able to speak to my kids and talk to them
instead of worrying about what they might turn out to be.
i'd rather just show them that they shouldn't be afraid to tell me whats on their minds.
i don't want them to be afraid of anything.
i'd want someone to treat me the way that i would want to be treated
i want them to be a better me.
i wanna be a better parent.

if imma do it.. i gotta change the world through her.

i was never able to speak my mind to my parents
i was always scared to because of what they'd say to me
& really just because they'd yell at me for feeling the way that i do.
i'm tired of feeling this way at home. i gotta get out of here.

413

i love her.. i don't wanna lose her.
gotta make that change cuz i don't wanna do her wrong.

lonely

i feel lonely.
& i feel stupid.

maybe i shouldn't share my perspective anymore.
i'll keep everything to myself.. besides.. what's a secret if you share it with someone?

have i mentioned how much i hate being told what to do?

anyways...

other than all these emo posts
i should put these stupid emotions into something.
projects.. create some designs on photoshop maybe?
paint.. draw.. read. something positive.

maybe for these 40 days and 40 nights i won't go out. i'll be a hermit.

keep pushing

I want to learn to be different from my parents. They hold values that I don't always agree with but they're good people. I want to be as hardworking as they are. Make something out of myself but I don't want to be them exactly.. I know they have reasons for the things that they say to me and for once I'm striving for some direction. And now they finally decide to push me. I know they want the best for me because it is what i want for myself. I want the best for me. I don't want to settle (and sometimes i do..) I need to learn to conquer my fears and just do it.

Take a risk. Jump and hope that I'll land safely. The sky's the limit. It's time to move on with my life. My life... sounds so weird. You never think about these things when you're little and I wished that someone had dropped some knowledge on me about life. Even if I wouldn't get it at a young age, I know I'd be able to recall the moment that someone told me bout it.

Maybe being spoiled is my problem. I never got a push until a few years ago. I was always stuck in the mentality that I can't do it and I was so lazy. Little did I know that I can do things. I need to push myself.

tao

so i noticed that during today's class i wasn't too interested in Confucius as i was in Lao-Tzu and Siddhartha. Maybe i felt that they had a different perspective and tried to see the world in a better way. Or maybe it was because of Confucius' dominant side that comes off very old school, very old fashioned. We weren't able to get to how Siddhartha saw the world but I'm sure that lecture will be good. I enjoyed Lao-Tzu's views of how the world really is. He believed in the Tao which means "the way." He had

5 Taoist Principles:

1. Tao - Recognize the pattern and process of the world. You'll find that in life EVERYTHING in the world has pattern and process.
2. Effortlessness - Having no strain, no struggle, no frustration. Be at one with what you're doing.
3. Simplicity - Get rid of anything artificial/unnecessary in your life.
4. Gentleness - Violence is unnecessary.
5. Relativity - people see things from a limited point of view which is THEIR OWN VIEW. The world embraces relativity.

I believe these principles are true and something I always try to remember. I had no idea that someone already posted these as principles but it is something that you learn from life and learn about life. It is sometimes hard to grasp the ideas of these philosophers because they come from a world where they had no technology but their own minds that came up with great ideas. It kinda baffles me. Once you know something, you can not unknow it.

PEDO BEAR

it's kinda nasty when you're at that age where you can go out to the clubs n party like the rest of the people that are your age AND YOU KNOW that your OLDER cousin and his DJ crew are djing clubs during asian nights cuz you KNOW that they're hitting on girls your age and probably younger. nasty. it's so weird seeing friend approvals on facebook cuz then i get to see all the girls that my cousin is friends with... n most of these girls i've probably seen around that are my age. can you say pedo?

PLANNER..

although gemini's don't really like routine.......
I NEED TO GET INTO ROUTINE OF THINGS LIKE...
-studying
-working out/staying active
-keep up pos. vibes
-eat healthy meaning NO FAST FOOD. quality over quantity.

so... i need a planner.

i love pandas