penny lane

is in my ears and in my heart... forever.

i miss you, penny lane.

YOU FUCK

not sure what else i was supposed to title this lol...

instead of fuck you.. i decided to just title it YOU FUCK!

anyways...

it's about to be that time of the month again. sadly the emotions come rolling in around this time and my heart starts to psych my mind out about what i supposedly "need" right now but i need to stick to the game plan and ride it out as much as i want to do this and do that because as much as i plan it out in my head... it RARELY ever plays out that way so i gotta do it smart and just stay on the path..

stay on the path sa..

ughhhhhhhhh........ why is this so difficult for me? is it because that person really did play a big part in my life and made a real impact on my life? i mean definitely yeah and i wouldn't doubt it for a minute but for things to change i need to stick to the game plan and just stay on the path. be a better person, you fuck! lol i dont know what it is about cuss words why i love it so much but i get a crack out of it haha.. now i'm digressing.

anyways.. reminder sa, stay on the path. you need time to grow and this is your time to do it so no distractions. not even a little. you def. know what you want and need so keep working towards it. don't look at how far you have left.. look at how far you've come and each step you take is leading to a better future. doesn't that sound nice? FUCK YEAH! stay motivated. ;]

there's nothing..

i want more than for you to be happy.
& if that's with being with your homies then by all means......
but at the end of the day... my intentions are nothing more than
for you to be happy.

i just wished that i had been that person for YOU.
that person that you could count on, love you for you, & constantly offer you... what i couldn't (a real relationship) i was too stuck in selfish mode. i didnt want to change so that we could compromise and meet half way instead of you going full circle to realizing that i just wasn't ready for what YOU wanted/needed.

i know.

i suck.

realizing this.......

over a long ass period of time.

it breaks my heart too.

timing is funny, isn't it?

it pains me to even record all of this down... my own revelations.

being friends was way too difficult because you have this hold on me. something different about you _______ ____ ___, but i love it.i love you and i know, i put you through a lot but i appreciate you. if i could change it all.. i would've probably loved you better, been there for you and for me as a couple, gone to extremes to see you, do anything for your kisses... i wouldn't have taken US for granted.

*sigh...

this is my daily routine.. my heart speaks up but my brain is smarter. fml. everything that i've known... from relationships to basic school.. i need better habits. more discipline. change it up and not focus on stupid shit and ONLY FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME AND FOR MY FUTURE.

#growing pains