there's nothing..

i want more than for you to be happy.
& if that's with being with your homies then by all means......
but at the end of the day... my intentions are nothing more than
for you to be happy.

i just wished that i had been that person for YOU.
that person that you could count on, love you for you, & constantly offer you... what i couldn't (a real relationship) i was too stuck in selfish mode. i didnt want to change so that we could compromise and meet half way instead of you going full circle to realizing that i just wasn't ready for what YOU wanted/needed.

i know.

i suck.

realizing this.......

over a long ass period of time.

it breaks my heart too.

timing is funny, isn't it?

it pains me to even record all of this down... my own revelations.

being friends was way too difficult because you have this hold on me. something different about you _______ ____ ___, but i love it.i love you and i know, i put you through a lot but i appreciate you. if i could change it all.. i would've probably loved you better, been there for you and for me as a couple, gone to extremes to see you, do anything for your kisses... i wouldn't have taken US for granted.

*sigh...

this is my daily routine.. my heart speaks up but my brain is smarter. fml. everything that i've known... from relationships to basic school.. i need better habits. more discipline. change it up and not focus on stupid shit and ONLY FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME AND FOR MY FUTURE.

#growing pains