the anthropology

it all intrigues me...

negative

i don't really have any self esteem.. i try to think positive but most of the time i feel stupid. i feel stupid and i hate feeling this way.

rejection

i feel rejected. fuck it. i'm alone today. bye.

on my bike ride...

i really enjoyed the cool air on my bike ride this morning. i saw so many trails from snails and even dodged a few. i even saw hella ants crowded around a decomposed worm and some found its way to some litter that was on the sidewalk.. in n out cup, i believe. it felt great although some tiny hills killed my legs. i pushed as hard as i could but i think after awhile i was tired and on some i just said fuck it and took my time. as soon as the cool air became warmer, i found myself racing against the sun. i could feel my heart pounding as it was working... what a relief to know that my heart still works. it felt nice.. i felt some type of freedom. i felt refreshed. it was me, my bike, good music, and the outdoors-- no wait... nature. i prefer the word nature.

as i rode my bike past house after house it made me think about what this world would come to... property after property and properties that were vacant. seemed like an never ending cycle of humanity destroying what nature has to offer us. even though the green grass on the sidewalks and green trees are pretty fake and brought to this place it's still living and i think it's beautiful. reminds me of freshness.. just breathing felt great for once. didn't feel like i was being suffocated.

just me, my bike, music, and my surroundings...

don't know

what to do..

pretty wings

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants, no trace,
No residual feelings within you
one day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love you.
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription for the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be
when you are not with me
I had to leave
I had to live
I had to lead
I had to live

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into a lie
Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies.
I turned day into night
Sleepless, I died a thousand times
I should've showed you
Better nights, better times
Better days, and I miss you more and more

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

exercising and digressing

connecting conversation with lyrical lines from songs...
would that be considered a memory exercise cuz i'm referring back to a line from a song? probably not cuz it just comes out like word vomit... but instead it's music.

or

it's really just that gay.. HMM?

but music is everything to me. i can't function correctly without it. there's music playing in my head at this moment... right now as we speak. one note, two note, half note, whole note.. little playful tunes to trumpets alarming and busy fingers creating beautiful notes coming from a grand piano.


but if i hear music in my head... playing... would that make me crazy cuz i can hear things in my head?